The Wrong Type of Redemption

19 Three PM


19: Three PM

Jerry stood in thought, watching the city bus drive away.

After he’d walked Mia to the bus stop, she told him one last thing before climbing aboard.

*J, I didn’t want to tell you this earlier because I could tell you were getting defensive, and people stop listening when they’re defensive. You’re smart enough to come to your own realizations and figure stuff out. So when you get a moment, I want you to look up information about the mentality of abuse victims. See if anything you read, registers with you?*

Jerry got on his phone right then and began searching for abuse victims. And the knowledge sickened him.

Making excuses for them…going along with everything… The more Jerry read, the more he felt out of his depth. Gerald had been too young to know what he was doing right? He couldn’t have consciously meant to… Fuck…

One passage stuck out more than any other. Victims of mental and emotional abuse often don’t recognize it because it’s not physical. So they can be in denial and only focus solely on the good parts of their relationship.

Jerry always only saw the good in Gerald…until Dorian shined that damn light right in his face.

Wanting to relieve his mind of depressing thoughts, he checked the time on his phone to see it was still early in the evening. Perfect time for a quick stop, Jerry went to the King’s Throne. With everything happening and changing in his life, he needed some advice. And that lively atmosphere would lift his mood.

Jerry was let in as soon as it opened. He walked up to the long neon lit bar and requested the Queen. The cute bartender that looked like he was barely legal fluttered his false blue lashes flirtatiously at him while getting on the phone to call his majesty.

Jerry sat at the bar and faced the runway stage. The music wasn’t very loud yet, because no customer besides himself was there. Stage staff was walking about, some dancing to the music. Then the music grew louder and began to thump in time with Jerry’s heart. In a shimmer of light, the Queen strutted out in her most regal attire — flowing red pants and matching shirt that had an intricate Chinese looking pattern on both. She looked like a peacock with that feathery train trailing behind her. He never understood why anyone, man or woman would want to wear high heels. His toes hurt just watching the Queen walk in those hooker heels, but the man walked in them like they were apart of him.

When he got to the bar, he leaned toward Jerry and planted a kiss on his forehead. He knew he’d have lipstick there if he looked in a mirror. When he took a seat next to Jerry, the Queen waved her jeweled claws and the music dimmed.

“Baby Bear?”

“Your Highness.” He dipped his head.

“You came to talk? Interesting.” He looked him over, long false lashes glittering like streamers. “I’m listening.”

“You said…before that you thought I was a bottom…”

“Oh, sweetie, look at you…still so naïve. You are what you want to be. If you want to be a bottom you’re a bottom. Don’t listen to me.” He laughed even though those sharp eyes seemed to know.

“No. You’re probably right. But every time people look at me.” He frowned. “I’m supposed to be dominant. I’m supposed to be intense. I’m supposed to take charge.”

“But what do you want,” The Queen asked leaning in closer.

He remembered the times Gerald pinned him down to kiss him. How his brother took care of everything between them and how Jerry always followed Gerald’s lead. Then he remembered how his brother manipulated him. And how all the dominant people in his life, deserted him. “I don’t want the pain.”

“You don’t mean the physical pain, do you?”

“It might as well be physical.” He rubbed his chest absently trying to understand how he could still feel anything.

“Life is pain, Bear. No matter what you do, there are growing pains. Yes, with being the receiver there is a level of vulnerability. And the problem with pure tops is that they’re not always considerate of a submissive partner’s needs, just their own. Communication is the cherry in any relationship. But if you can find that precious soul who can give you what you want and need, then that’s when you should decide to be the bottom. Until then, there are plenty of sluts out there willing to give you anything you want,” He said pointing to a stage dancer shaking his leather covered ass at Jerry as he looked at him over his shoulder.

Jerry thanked the Queen and stood.

“My fee…” The Queen turned his head and pointed to his glittering cheek.

Great. Glitter. That would take forever to wash off his beard. He leaned in and before he could plant one, the Queen turned his head, grabbed Jerry’s ears and mauled his lips. Jerry was about to pull back, but the Queen’s slick mouth parted and let herself inside. Jerry moaned when the other man masterfully owned him. Then he pulled back and grinned.

“Oh, my…” He fanned himself. “It was better than I imagined.”

“Ok. Jealous!” The bartender announced. “Can I get one too?”

“No, dear. He’s the Queen’s pleasure.”

Jerry blinked back the shock as he looked around. What the fuck…

“You should go now, Baby…before I make a mess out of you.”

Coming to his senses, he nodded and stood. “Thank you.”

“Gosh! And he has manners!” The guy behind the bar swooned.

“You’re more than welcome. And when you snag that guy that you’re thinking about, bring him by.”

Jerry chuckled. “If only he wasn’t straight.”

“Boyfriend, let me tell you,” The bartender sang. “Lure him in with head, follow up with a tight ass, and finish with promise of as much as he wants and he’ll keep coming back for more.”

“And that, my Bear, is a true slut.”

“Proud of it.” He guy snapped his fingers with each word.

Jerry chuckled. “And what happens when they complain about boobs?”

“Grow fat.” The Queen suggested.

“Or buy some. There’s this place up the street-“

“Good night, ladies.” Jerry headed toward the exit.

“Night, Bear.”

“Lord, I want to sip him like a martini,” the bartender said.

“Girlfriend, get in line.”

“You’re still married.”

“The Queen still has dreams…”

Leaving the club, Jerry turned toward the direction of his apartment, prepared for a long hike when he noticed a man standing outside against the wall who looked suspiciously like… “Old man?”

His father nodded his head looking around. “I saw you come this way…so I tried to catch up…”

Jerry laughed. “You could’ve followed me inside.”

“Yeah, I guess…” The man’s voice trailed off as he finally made eye contact and got a good look at Jerry’s face. “Do I want to know what you’ve been up to?”

“The Queen had his way with me.” He sighed.

“The…Queen? He?”

Jerry laughed at the horrific look on the guy’s face. “He’s the co-owner of the bar. And as I’m guessing you already figured, he’s drag. He’s a good guy. When you’re brave enough, I’ll introduce you to him.”

Hesitantly, his father nodded.

They began to walk back to his apartment before his father stopped.

“Oh, right, I nearly forgot, I ordered dinner. Go on home and I’ll go pick it up.”

Before Jerry could stop him and offer to walk with him, his father jogged off.

Once home, he washed quickly from the gym and makeup, changed, and grabbed an apple from the stash of fruit his father kept stocked in the fridge. He went to the new computer Mia gave him and plugged it in.

A knock at the door made Jerry smile, before he wiped the expression. He was not happy to see the man…why the hell was his pulse accelerating? He got up, went to the door, opened it, and went back to his seat on the floor to pretend he was doing work. Leaning back against his mattress he watched under half hooded lids as his father entered with a bag of food. The man spoke before going to the counter.

“You want steak or chicken?” his father asked.

“Whatever.” Jerry pulled out his own computer and a crossover cable. He connected the two devices before powering them both up. Running an interface program, Jerry thanked his father absently for the carton of food handed to him as he began to run diagnostics on Nick’s computer. That’s a pretty aggressive program, he thought after opening the script of the unknown softwareJerry blew out a breath wondering how such nasty malware attached itself to Nick’s computer.

Eating and working, Jerry barely registered the hand that was combing at his hair.

“When is your next hair cut?”

Jerry shrugged and shied away from the touch that made him want more. Focused on his screen, he deciphered code to try and figure out just who’s computer Mia stole. It wasn’t Nick’s.

At some point during the night he realized his father was sitting beside him, watching television. Their shoulders were touching.

Ignoring the heat creeping up his neck, Jerry opened what looked like an accounting system program and began to read over the information. He tried to focus on it. But he felt eyes on him.

Slowly, he turned to see Philip looking at his neck. The discomfort of being studied so closely made Jerry rotate his head on his neck. He scooted away.

“I really do make you uncomfortable don’t I?” Low raspy words sensitized his skin.

“Shut up. I’m trying to concentrate.” He ducked his head hoping to hide the blush burning his cheeks.

“Why me?” His father asked still low, tempting Jerry in the worst ways. “I’m old and worthless. There’s nothing good about me. So why me?” Even thought the words weren’t sexy at all, his hushed timbre, the rough gravel of his voice, and deep tones made Jerry want to put the laptop aside and crawl onto the man’s lap.

“Fuck if I know. When my cock decides to talk to me, I’ll let you know what he says.”

His father laughed, a rumbling sound that made Jerry smirk.

“Believe it or not, you are a sexy man. If I took you to a gay club, your hard body and that voice would draw them in. Plus, you have a maturity that some guys love.” Jerry swallowed before rubbing a hand over his forehead. Just thinking of another guy drooling over his father made him irritated. It annoyed him enough when women ogled his father. He might be older, but he looked hot for his age.

“Hot? Me?”

Did he just say that last part out loud? “So what?” Jerry just shrugged. “Now, let me get back to-“

Fingers gripped the hairs of his beard. Jerry’s head was guided until he was looking at his father in the eyes. His father just stared at him, calm, and resolute. He leaned in and kissed Jerry. It was a simple kiss. Not too soft and not too intimate. Almost as if in greeting.

He leaned back a bit, looking Jerry in the eyes.

Waking from his shocked stupor, Jerry asked, “Did that…did it answer your question?” He sounded too breathless.

“Yes, it answered both.”

“Both?” Jerry breathed.

“No, it wasn’t terrible. And no, you didn’t take advantage of it. And that last answer told me more than anything.”

“That was a chaste kiss, how could it tell you anything?”

“It told me you’re not as perverse as you pretend to be.”

They stared at each other for a long moment before his father’s fingers brushed under Jerry’s chin. Jerry leaned into those fingers, seeking more. “So it wasn’t terrible…But you barely…” His words became a whisper as his father leaned in again.

“The facial hair makes it…unusual.”

“Oh,” was all Jerry could think to say as he closed the rest of the distance. Their lips touched, caressed, exploring the feel of each other without going deeper, mouths closed. It was all Jerry could do to hold back. He didn’t want to run his father away with his hunger. The man was learning, just curious. And Jerry didn’t mind at all to be the one he experimented with.

Philip pulled back some, face a bit flush… “Will you…” He cleared his throat with his lips sucked in. “The facial hair…its…”

“You want me to shave.” Jerry raised his brows trying to shake the euphoric feeling.

“I do…Might make it easier for me…” His tilted his head in thought.

“If you shave me.” Jerry ducked his head awkwardly not sure if he wanted the shave. But Mia was right. It was time to face himself in the mirror. Not Gerald, but himself.

“Are you sure?”

Jerry just nodded, fingering his laptop feeling all types of awkward.

“Tomorrow night?”


“Okay.” Philip sounded thrilled. The man turned his attention back to the television smiling slightly.

Jerry looked down at his crotch. Though slightly alive, it wasn’t raging. However, his chest pounded like a motherfucker and his fingers ached to reach out to touch, explore Philip. Instead, he just leaned his shoulder more into the guy, enjoying his physical strength and warmth.


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